I’ve worked with over 5,000 kids: My simple parenting rule has prevented countless power struggles

July 4, 2026 - 19:02

A child psychologist who has counseled more than 5,000 families says a single daily communication habit is causing unnecessary conflict between parents and children. Siggie Cohen, a specialist in early childhood behavior, argues that the way adults phrase requests often triggers immediate resistance in kids.

The mistake, according to Cohen, is turning every instruction into a question. When a parent asks "Can you please put your shoes on?" or "Do you want to clean up now?" the child hears a genuine choice. For a toddler or preschooler, the natural answer is often "no." This sets off a back-and-forth that drains both sides.

Cohen explains that clear boundaries do not require a harsh tone. Instead of asking, parents can state the expectation directly: "It is time to put your shoes on." This removes the illusion of a vote. But she warns against using this for everything. For low-stakes moments, like choosing a snack or a shirt, questions give children a healthy sense of control.

The key is timing. Use firm statements for safety, routines, and non-negotiables. Use open questions for choices that do not matter in the long run. By separating these two modes, parents can avoid dozens of daily arguments while still letting kids feel heard. Cohen says this simple shift reduces frustration for both the adult and the child, turning potential standoffs into smoother transitions.