What the Rolling Stones Got So Right About Parenting

August 12, 2026 - 19:35

Most parents want to shield their kids from disappointment, failure, and heartache. But a family therapist argues that the better approach is to let children experience those rough patches, and she points to a classic Rolling Stones lyric as the guiding principle: "You can't always get what you want."

The therapist, who works with families daily, says that parents often jump in too quickly to fix problems or soothe hurt feelings. That instinct, while loving, can backfire. When kids never sit with discomfort, they miss out on building resilience. They start to believe that frustration is a signal for someone else to step in, rather than a normal part of life they can handle.

Here are five practical tips she offers for helping kids navigate the less-than-stellar moments without rescuing them.

First, name the feeling without fixing it. When your child is upset about a lost game or a bad grade, simply say, "That stinks, and I know you are really disappointed." Then stop. Do not offer solutions right away. Let them sit with the emotion for a bit.

Second, tell your own stories of failure. Kids need to hear that their parents did not ace everything on the first try. Share a time you bombed a test or got cut from a team. This normalizes setbacks and shows that struggle is not the end of the story.

Third, ask questions instead of giving answers. Try, "What do you think you might do differently next time?" or "Is there a part of this you feel like you can control?" This shifts the child from a passive victim to an active problem-solver.

Fourth, hold the boundary on big-ticket items. If your teen is begging for the latest phone or designer sneakers and you cannot afford it, do not cave. Saying no, calmly and firmly, teaches that wanting something does not mean you get it. That is a lesson that will serve them well in adulthood.

Finally, let them experience natural consequences. If they forget their homework, let them face the teacher's response. If they spend their allowance on junk, let them miss out on the movie later. These small pains are far less damaging than the ones they will face later if they never learn to manage disappointment.

The goal is not to make kids miserable. It is to help them become adults who can cope with life's inevitable letdowns. As the Stones sang, you might not always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need. For parents, that means giving kids the gift of struggle, not the illusion of a perfect world.